We get into cycles that build and build to a point where we can’t break them in our own strength. These cycles we get trapped in are unsettling, it can be so lonely, you feel isolated and no one understands how you are feeling or what you’re struggling with. No-one could comprehend or feel the pain or even realise the depth these things have in your life and the control they’ve had on your life for so many years.
At the moment God and I are working on painful things, uncomfortable things the type you wouldn’t dare touch or think about, they are wrapped with band-aids that are slowly unpeeling, losing their stickiness. Quite easily I can post in my good times, sharing what I’ve learnt from the pain, struggles or growth. But today I wanted to post in and during the pain.
I have been struggling with so many things and I constantly want all these struggles and painful things to leave me and my mind, I want to be free from it all. And I know I can be but I’m in that uncomfortable point where God is stirring my heart, moulding and growing me meaning its not plain sailing. I can feel it all.
Today I hit a rough spot. I’ve realised whenever I’m at my lowest point I go looking for love and attention in all the wrong places whether its with guys, approval from others and especially for me….going shopping. It’s like the hole in our hearts I talked about a few weeks ago. In my heart theres a hole, I try to fill it when I’m hurting with whatever will numb the pain or lighten the darkness I’m in. But no, nothing works…until I come to God.
I always use to call up friends when I had a rough patch, they would make me feel better and distract me hence putting a band-aid over the hurt, not healing it. Now most of my friends are busy in their own lives or out of the country and oh boy does it feel lonely. But I’ve realised now only God can deal with the main problem, my heart.
This week I’ve found Psalm 71 very encouraging. It talks about taking refuge in God, knowing there is always hope and remembering how faithful God is.
Trusting God in the midst of trouble ‘O God, you who have done great things. Who, O God, is like you?’ (v.19).
Hoping in God ‘You will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honour and comfort me once again’ (vv.20b–21).
Worshiping & Praising God in spite of the troubles: ‘I will praise you with the harp for your faithfulness, v22
Know that God is with you, wherever, whenever and however you’re feeling. And he loves you so much he sent his one and only son to die a heart-wrenching painful death for us all so we can be reunited with our father. God loves you, he does. So when you’re stuggling I really want to encourage you to go back to Gods truth and love.